Once upon a time, I was falling in love
 But now, I'm only falling apart
 There's nothing I can do
 A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time, there was light in my life
 But now, there's only love in the dark
 There's nothing I can say
 A total eclipse of the heart

I am always in the dark..

あの女の子

Girl: Gillian Toh aka Retsuya
Age: 19
Schools: IJ Bukit timah, SCGS, SAJC, back to SCGS, NTU SBS
Loves God, anime, drawing, smoked salmon and brie cheese

彼女の欲しい
To be fluent in Japanese by the time I get out of uni
To get a Japanese class somehow without having to spend too much
The Da Girlz to meet together again one day
To get a Wacom tablet and photoshop CS
To live right for God and His plans

私と話すこと


友達

mel. jenny. Esme. Viv. audrie. ARGH cell. BPYM. Sean. Chrisll. Dev. Anime merchandise. uzzy.

過去;

July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 August 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 March 2006 June 2006 November 2006 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 November 2012

感謝;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture: Hollowland
Brushes

Friday, May 22, 2009
10:38 AM

I know that my posts are very depressing now, because my offer seems like the very last one to arrive, my parents think I am going to be rejected or if not have trouble in getting into the course I want. 

It had better arrive fast enough, I am getting very impatient already. 

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Thursday, May 21, 2009
9:59 AM

The offer is still not coming in, the school still hasn't called me, and everything looks bleak. 

Totally nothing is going well for me, and I hope I'm not the only one going through such a dilemma. I seriously need that offer....NUS is a bloody slow thing to wait for.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Saturday, May 16, 2009
10:22 PM

The duck is still not finished, after one week working at it.

Had sermon on filial piety. Really made me understand what it meant to honor and obey your parents in the Lord, and how to show them love, whether the parents are christian or not.

I managed to get JN's manuscript for her first book, so I'm redesigning stuff for the story by digging out my old designs. I will use the story to:
-revamp the designs for the Blue Oracle uniform(done)
-revamp designs for all other characters
-research on gothic buildings, infrastructure and European landscapes for background sketches
-study animal movements(leopard, fox, horse, squirrel)
-character movements and pose sketches

This may not be as useful now, but if I want to do a comic adaptation or illustration pictures of the story, it might come in handy in the future.

Watching Hetalia made me understand about America's fight for independence in a more sympathetic light. I don't know, it's what Hetalia does!

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Thursday, May 14, 2009
7:42 PM

Finished the head and body of duck, now needs to finish the wings and tail. And there are 3 ducks to go. Of course I don't want it to end too quickly, but it's frustrating taking 1 week to finish one miserable duck. Sewing is quite addictive, I find.

Gahhhh so many people got their NUS offers already and mine is still processing. Taking so freaking long......I'm going mad just waiting. First I was like waiting for the dumb paycheck to come in, and the application is taking so long, I hope it doesn't come in the last week of May or else I have only a few days to decide which uni to go to, and which course to go to also because the Food science thing needs a application letter, and I dunno how on earth to choose life sciences. Hmm wait. For food science you put in the application before 17th July, a few days later you check if you got in. If not then you need to bid for module, and I have absolutely no clue about how the whole bidding system works. Gahhhhh decisions decisions.

I told myself if I got science I will choose between FST and Life science. If I got FAS I'll choose between psychology and Japanese studies. Of course I need to study my Japanese. I feel I'm not very cut out for nursing myself, so it doesn't matter whether I get it or not. Some friends I know do Animal behavior in Life science, and it's quite interesting, some ppl doing Ph.D and research. Quite cool.

I'm trying to redesign some characters I drew donkey years ago for JN's series, but then I don't have the preliminary manuscript cos it got lost when my com crashed....so I have to redraw from memory. It would be great if I could become talented enough to draw for her book.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Monday, May 11, 2009
10:15 AM

Yes, I'm sewing.

I got the first circle of the clock last night, doing the numbers later. I'm making a more detailed plan for the day if I have no classes on, or even if I do have classes, what I will be doing in the afternoon.

I have confirmed to be doing
-completing cross stitch
-learning Japanese
-piano practice
-swimming(when weather becomes to hot to bear)
-setting aside a time for God for bible study
-thinking up a storyline for a manga
-cutting time on computer
-next week I'll be going for part time teaching at FSC

I may just need it to be more planned out. In no particular order though I'll set out a fixed timing for bible study. Discipline myself spiritually and not be blocked by any obstacles.

I think I'll do baking when Roofie is free.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Friday, May 08, 2009
9:32 PM

I went to the center to relief my mum from teaching. 5 kids but a whole lot of nonsense.

My class had homework to do, so it was fine, just some kids coming to me and asking me how to spell some occupations(oh gosh how sad these kids are...I feel so fortunate to have that one whole list of occupations, phrasal verbs and english jargon bound in a set when I was P3...thank you so much Mrs Ong!!!!!). Then the whole fiasco started. One boy realised his money was missing and accused the girl on the next table that she took it. So before it got into one big ruckus I called in the head teacher. The boy wasn't falsely accusing anyone cos I had seen the $1 coin on the table. The head teacher went to scold the boy first for leaving money around. You know how?? He stacked up his money on the table just like that. Of course ppl will take larh. Then there was this big search for the coin, checking the floor, ransacking bags and pockets. The teacher finally decided to ask them to wait until Monday, where the technician will be around to operate the CCTV(I'm serious, CCTVs are very useful in crime fighting for classes.) So, ok, the matter sort of stopped there. Then the investigation went further when another girl was called into the office, cos she said that she had touched the money. Found out nothing. Teacher got exasperated and did another bag search. Got to the first accused girl, took out a small eraser box, and the coin was there. Resulted in calling of parents and apology. We got the CCTV to work and I saw how she carried out her deed. Poor girl though, my mum said the girl's mother is fierce and will definitely give her caning. I think the victim should try getting a pouch. WALLET TOO EXPENSIVE. My goodness.

Things haven't changed since forever I suppose. I know because I was the victim. I've endured quite a lot: Lost books, lost toys, lost stationary, cut hair(someone chopped it off on the school bus), bullying partners...well I'm still alright, am I?

Another strange thing to report. There was this thing going around the class about "water babies." I was wondering what it was until I spotted the colourless and coloured jelly balls in a jar. I asked the head teacher what it was. Then I found out the "water babies" were actually crystalized absorbent jelly which is used as a substitute for soil when planting indoor plants. The jelly balls will retain water, which will provide the plant with what it needs. Really amusing to see them think of the jelly balls as living things(since the crystalized seeds grow when placed in water, its like those absorbent coloured sponges). I almost thought it was some sort of Marimo(a moss ball about the same size from hokkaido ponds that really grows) at first. I told the kids to put it to better use since the stuff won't grow any further no matter how much water you place in it, so I told them to grow green beans in it.

Kids these days...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Thursday, May 07, 2009
5:33 PM

I can't believe I can be traumatized just by going shopping on my own. My hands are shaking, my mind is wondering whether I should have bought what I bought and stuff like that.

For goodness sake I already bought it, so I shouldn't be saying that I shouldn't have bought it!!!!!

I just hate myself sometimes, really.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Monday, May 04, 2009
11:22 AM



Why don't they even bother to call me?????? I haven't been called for an entire week. I know it depends on how many teachers are absent, but at least call me on of these days instead of letting me rot at home....

And even if they do, they always call me on mondays.

I need more stuff to do man.....besides playing with the elouai candybar dolls I discovered.

expressing the emptiness inside me..