Once upon a time, I was falling in love
 But now, I'm only falling apart
 There's nothing I can do
 A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time, there was light in my life
 But now, there's only love in the dark
 There's nothing I can say
 A total eclipse of the heart

I am always in the dark..

あの女の子

Girl: Gillian Toh aka Retsuya
Age: 19
Schools: IJ Bukit timah, SCGS, SAJC, back to SCGS, NTU SBS
Loves God, anime, drawing, smoked salmon and brie cheese

彼女の欲しい
To be fluent in Japanese by the time I get out of uni
To get a Japanese class somehow without having to spend too much
The Da Girlz to meet together again one day
To get a Wacom tablet and photoshop CS
To live right for God and His plans

私と話すこと


友達

mel. jenny. Esme. Viv. audrie. ARGH cell. BPYM. Sean. Chrisll. Dev. Anime merchandise. uzzy.

過去;

July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 August 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 March 2006 June 2006 November 2006 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 November 2012

感謝;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture: Hollowland
Brushes

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
11:09 AM



Yeah. This is me after hair is cut. I can't even comb it properly now, but at least it is less heavy...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Monday, March 30, 2009
4:33 PM

Yeah, I called SC today, and they accepted me! So looks like I'm going to teach there after mission trip, so now I have 2 schools to go to, Concord and SC. Whew now that is absolutely great, so now I can focus on MISSION TRIP.

I also cut my hair today, after the hairdresser cut it I was like OMG I look like RUKIA (Bleach). Then after she washed my hair i said I looked like a lion. Don't feel much different though.

I'd better be prepared for the days to come.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Thursday, March 26, 2009
11:36 AM

There is just 1 week left to mission trip and I realised now I have a dozen and one things to do

1) Do slides for worship.
2) Refine testimony
3) Send out edited prayer calendar
4) Collate prayer requests

I'll be doing the last 3 today, I'll be discussing with my bro on the first.

And I still haven't called any school. Am I going to just rot or what??????

God please give me strength to tide through all this before I start going mad.....

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, March 25, 2009
8:52 PM

I AM STUPIDITY.

I tried mustering all my courage I have left into calling IJ today. They said they did not need any teachers that day. So I went stoned: "Oh, ok..." And hung up. I STUPIDLY FORGOT TO GIVE THEM MY CONTACT DETAILS. I think I was too scared out of wits to ask more. So when I called up mel I realised OH SHIT I FORGOT. Oh well, it was a try, at least I know what to do now. Maybe call SC and IJ tmr. BAHHHHH I BETTER REMEMBER WHAT TO SAY.

My remaining courage was lost in popping balloons.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Sunday, March 22, 2009
4:28 PM

Right, I have to start getting serious with myself. With Mission trip in just less than 2 weeks away, I have to put the demand of this aspect into perspective, which means getting ready spiritually. It is important to build yourself up for what is to come, to be able to get out of your comfort zone is no laughing matter. I want to let God show me His plan for this country, and how He plans to use the team as His instruments to carry out this plan. I pray that God will show me more than I have intended, and draw me ever closer to Him.

Now with my wallet vomitting blood I had better start saving more. Oh and to put myself on a stable job...must stop procrastinating and call IJ first...

I feel like a ninja with this forehead protector over my head. All I need is some clay and a snuggly akatsuki cloak. Otaku house is just the best with cosplay items. Heh.

Now to continue translating my Kuro guide book...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Sunday, March 15, 2009
10:52 PM

I have quite a few things to say, this has been busy.

1) Went to NUS open house with Sean, found it quite ok, a little noisy, but I got the stuff I wanted.

2) This is bigger.

I GOT INTO RELIEF TEACHING!!!!!

It took faster than expected, so I guess I'll start calling up my contacts for Concord pri, since I was given that first, then see if i can get other schools as backup. I heard the kids there are havoc and i hope the havoc training in FSC will help. Kids always love to bully relief teachers...I think I may find a girls school next.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Thursday, March 12, 2009
7:57 PM

Kinderzenen...



Today the teachers decided to let the kids play today, so I just played some things along with them. Kinda reminds me of the lost childhood that we have, and it only makes me appreciate childhood even more. Kids keep complaining that they have so much homework and that homework is major murder for them, but they don't realise it is for their own good, to keep up in this warped society they live in. To see them at play is entirely different, where they can just do anything they desire. I watched a bunch play monopoly and I could just see how that turned into a money massacre. That's how children should be, unvarnished by the evils of the adult world. Here, at play, is just how childhood is supposed to be, not full of books and mugmentalism. The truth is that they are going to grow up, and realise that the world is not such a wonderful place as it is.

I have just signed on for relief teaching, hoping to get to the next level in my interaction with children. I don't know how I'm going to manage, but I've got positive responses from friends who are doing so. At least it gives me a guide to my future.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, March 11, 2009
10:37 PM

Yeah, so today I had to dress up for my auntie's wedding reception. I think I looked absolutely glum during the whole event, cos I was very reminded of her first wedding and then after her divorce I never saw my ex-uncle again until my other auntie's funeral, so I was probably just reminded of the time that went by and wondering where on earth had it gone.

After that we all went to Crystal Jade for a good feast, and dropped by Wala wala to have some beer. I personally can't take beer so I shared a pina colada with my mum, turns out I can't stand a few sips of it too, and had to gulp my ice water to drown it down. Maybe it's a good place to have good drinks with uni friends or with the DAMN/LAMA mates, and can get 50% off there maybe, cos my new uncle is working there, heh.

Sigh. The uni applications opened. I'll go to the Open house and see whatever is there to see.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Tuesday, March 10, 2009
11:36 AM

Well, I suppose I haven't been up for a few days, being stoned over results and my parents arguing over what I should do. God has given me okay results, and I hope it is good enough for me to get into Fac of science in NUS. My dad wants me to do Food science which i think is totally boring looking at food, but at least it uses biology and chemistry. So I could consider. Besides the fact only 40 people get in there a year.

Currently I'm still drawing, learning Japanese, using my kanji dictionary to read my 4 SL. And stinking piano...not that I hate it, but now teacher gave me some Haydn's Rondo to practice since my second piece is haywire with my SHORT fingers. I still love Consolation No.3, at least I'm given some flak for what I've been doing. All I just need is to play it on the church grand for once and I'll be totally satisfied. I'm also wondering from what Austria (in Hetalia) was playing, some people said it was Chopin's nocturnes. Well I don't know since me and Chopin don't always go well together, but having Austria play it is great. Reminiscient of the musicians who came from there.

Just a joke, my piano teacher said one of her students had trouble playing Beethoven cos it was hard. I just had the most simple reply.

" The guy is deaf, that's why his pieces are damn hard!!!"

My piano teacher was loling away, and said that 10 students so far gave that answer. Of course, no argument to that.

My kanji dictionary just TORE. Schisse. But I like reading John 3:16 in japanese. My dad was astounded.

Conclusion: Kanji is a lot worse than reading chinese.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Friday, March 06, 2009
10:35 PM

Well, it is done.

I have nothing left to say, don't ask me.

I just need to rest and speak with God to explore my options.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Thursday, March 05, 2009
9:23 AM

ONE DAY LEFT

It's nuts to think about it right now. It's totally worse from when I got my O level results, but this determines my future job. I still think I'm going to end up making money from all my commissions of file covers, which I think is great, but I need a more sturdy job. From my seniors in Life science I see them doing:

Working in the lab at NUS.
Teaching.
Going to China to research on social spiders.

I don't mind Life science, it's interesting to me. And so is pharmacy, but the curriculum makes me vomit blood. First year learning buffer systems(holy cow cheemistry all over again) and anatomy(scours through brother's bio guide books). It would be great if I could do that, but i need to really search into myself if I can do the course. Oh, and I must score very good for everything lor. Which will need the grace of God to perform such a deed.

With my parents banning me from listening to certain Kajiura Yuki music, I desperately need more music. I downloaded Seventh Heaven already, but the file sizes are gigantonormous. Currently I'm choosing carefully for the songs to be put in my ipod which is almost at its limit already. I feel like getting a 4 GB ipod but my father bought a puny ishuffle. I'm downloading Lacrimosa now, so hopefully that'll keep my perks up.

Once again. D-DAY is TMR. Prepare for doom.

The horror of getting results back is leaving me in total despair!!!!!

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Monday, March 02, 2009
1:53 PM

IT HAS BEEN DECLARED.

I knew it would come around this time but then again I do not want it to come....

I just pray that God will give me a good score to go to the course I want to enter, because I know that whatever he gives me, it is for my best and for His glory. Hardest to do is to thank God in bad times.

Bahhhh and I have this irritating cramps raging throughout my body(thank goodness my piano teacher cannot come) so i napped a while, and I still need to crap out my comic panneling before Roofie rushes me again. Forgotten Contract series will take a month to complete. Man!

I must not think about the impending results. My future has been decided.

expressing the emptiness inside me..