Once upon a time, I was falling in love
 But now, I'm only falling apart
 There's nothing I can do
 A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time, there was light in my life
 But now, there's only love in the dark
 There's nothing I can say
 A total eclipse of the heart

I am always in the dark..

あの女の子

Girl: Gillian Toh aka Retsuya
Age: 19
Schools: IJ Bukit timah, SCGS, SAJC, back to SCGS, NTU SBS
Loves God, anime, drawing, smoked salmon and brie cheese

彼女の欲しい
To be fluent in Japanese by the time I get out of uni
To get a Japanese class somehow without having to spend too much
The Da Girlz to meet together again one day
To get a Wacom tablet and photoshop CS
To live right for God and His plans

私と話すこと


友達

mel. jenny. Esme. Viv. audrie. ARGH cell. BPYM. Sean. Chrisll. Dev. Anime merchandise. uzzy.

過去;

July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 August 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 March 2006 June 2006 November 2006 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 November 2012

感謝;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture: Hollowland
Brushes

Saturday, January 31, 2009
10:29 PM

Retsuya is currently part-time artist on demand, part time teacher, and still working for free.

For a look into what I am drawing on, I'm doing a mini series on the theme for my YM "Quest for the Truth." This is going to be more of a private serious project for me but I'll allow others to get hold of it too. I'm still on my 2nd page of "Quest for identity" and I'm sure I'll have to dream up the rest of the story later. I found out what are the next ones too:

Quest for the White fleece:On relationships
Quest for the Forgotten contract: On obedience

I need a lot of imagination now if I want to carry on with this series....plus the things I have to do for normal noticeboard.

Mission trip interview TMR!!!!! So nervous now I'd better do a lot of praying or I'm going to say wrong things....

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Friday, January 30, 2009
2:59 PM

"All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work"--2 Tim 3:16-17

Needs to read more man....

OUR PETITION IS ALMOST 3000!!!! Keep going ppl and let's win this small war!!!!! The congress has more important things to do than fuss over a 5min anime that doesn't even show their character inside...of course, we don't want something like the danish newspaper protests over its portrayal of the prophet. We already know anything religious cannot be touched.

I sure hope this gets the attention of Japanese bloggers. Sure the Koreans have a right to complain(as is the rest of the world) but cyber terrorism is over the hook. I'm sure Himaruya will give more attention to how Yong Soo is portrayed the next time round. And he isn't even portraying them in WW2 which is really absolutely shooting yourself in the foot if you are a Japanese.

I want hetalia!!!! Especially CHIBITALIA I can't get too much of that or I'll die of diabetes...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, January 28, 2009
12:49 PM


Ahhhh my little Ciel~I wanted the Sebby one but I felt Ciel looked nicer. My auntie always knows what to give me~

In other anime news...

It apparently seems that Korean protesters are not satisfied with just the cancellation of the anime on local Japanese channels, but they want to get rid of every trace on it, including the ones streamed on mobile, and even the manga itself. Hasn't Himaruya(the artist) suffered enough blows???? Just because one country thinks it is politically dangerous doesn't mean the rest of the world has to abstain from it too. We fans are now reduced to having poor quality vids and lousy subs, but the story is still quite good, albeit only 5 min. Just let us watch our manga in peace, and if it is so offensive just ban it in your country and stop making a mountain out of a gopher hole. Counter petitions are being made~

The world is a sad sad place...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Sunday, January 25, 2009
3:04 PM


damn tired sia... wishes to sleep...

Had modified outing yesterday, after a dreadful bout of IBS+PMS and kid problems, managed to have loads of fun and camwhoring. There's a lot of them pictures I'll see the less unglam ones to put up. Not like many ppl visit this poor blog anyway.


Overblown after losing sense of direction and mind...

Okay when there's paparazzi there's always the sense of being caught off guard. That happens to me too much.


Ate lunch at CJ but I had a pretzel instead and concocted a disgusting lukewarm tea with lemon.


The Loli way of crossing road. I was almost mistaken for a loli that day.


Attack ice cream!!!! Just kidding. Ice cream with brownies and fudge and cream. Sinful.

I'm getting a headache sorting these out. Anyways went for more walking down Arab street where a lot more camwhoring took place.


Dangnabbit this headache is getting to me indeed...


The boys emoing away...graffiti walls are a lot of fun.

Well there are more but I don't want to keep uploading them here and there, so I can go and sleep right now before my brother jumps on me. I WANT MY BRO TO GET A NEW COMPUTER NOW.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Tuesday, January 20, 2009
8:21 PM



If you are a crazy anime freak like me, you would know this. And start ROFLing in tears. For those who don't, the names are those of Gundam 00 and GAYASS(code geass) characters. My Japanese is strong enough to get the first one, "Tiera didn't know what to do next..." What, he didn't know whether to release Nadleeh???? LMAO. Inside joke. The rest of the questions are dead stupid. Especially Qn 4...what did Lulu do to Clovis, I don't wanna know. If this were real I'd bet the poor students would more laugh off their seats. The teacher must be an otaku.

My teaching today was fine, I waited 2 hrs for my class to arrive, so I managed primary 3, noisy class, but tons better than P4 class. I could well adjust to this without losing voice. I hope to take graduating classes, if any. Then I can sit and mark papers all day long...but well, my class came at 4pm, let them bathe and eat slowly, and had less than an hour with them to finish up homework. Kids are so smart these days, say they don't know how to do P3 cloze passage but know the meaning of prostitute.

My P2 class has a pair of twins, Zic and Zac. Yes I am not kidding those are their names and I could only tell them apart from name tags on pencil cases. They are a sad case, having divorced parents and they are being looked after by grandma, and their work is weak too, but that happens to most kids in the class. Talk about being "shielded from the varnish of the adult world". When the adult world gets to them, it's not a very nice sight.

Planning new short manga on Quest for the truth. Still dreaming up storyline that is appropriate, like setting and angles and stuff. I'm such a novice to those who churn 20 pages a week and 45 a month.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Saturday, January 17, 2009
12:52 PM

Yep I changed my skin for fun...just got a bit bored of the skin I've been using ages. Took me a long time to find a nice skin to put my imeem, even though not enough space also...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Friday, January 16, 2009
5:01 PM

OMGWTFBBQFHHSJHHJSFSHHSHH WHY???!?!!!!?!?!?!!?!

KIDS STATION HAS CANCELLED HETALIA ANIME!!!!!!!

Looks like the Koreans win for now, but poor poor Hidekaz sama is so so sad he doesn't have an anime...BUT! We can have it streamed on the internet. So all is not lost! The koreans can protest all they can a small group is not enough to stop it from being aired. The Korea character is not going to be shown anyway...I don't see CHINA complaining. Maybe it's because most of Koreans spend half their time surfing the net.

HETALIA MUST LIVE ON!!!! It shall not be the end of history!!!!!

I'll go over and give the author a big hug...it's bummed when your anime is cancelled cos of a protest.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, January 14, 2009
9:43 PM

I was thinking, I said that after I get my results I would go on to relief teaching. I mean, I started off as a 3 times per week part time teacher cum child management officer at BPGC's student care centre, I should be fine with teaching a real class right? I feel it's fine now, so I'll probably stick with them for at least 1 more month. Question is, would I be able to last? I'd also better think fast, cos I've got a saved seat at Hong Kah Primary and I don't want that to go to waste. Can try South view or (damn!)CHIJ bukit timah or maybe with mel at SC. Blahhhh why am I saying this even though I haven't the least registered????? Well I ought to be independent and not mooch off my parents.

Also in the decision making pile is Mission trip. From 3rd April to 10th. One week in Lipa city, Philippines, reaching out to non-believing tagalog speaking youths. My brother is pressing me to go for it and so is everyone else. Besides me it will be for the ex-JC ppl who are enjoying life and the poly and ITE ppl. So I really have been praying and waiting for the Lord's instruction, but something is also pulling me to go. It might do me some good. Another thing is the Young adults music. I have to hand over my skills(but not C4C the franchise belongs to me alone I may just do it in secret) to the juniors in Noticeboard and young adults is recruiting me into their music for piano and keyboard(more keyboard cos there are quite a few) so i still need more prayer. Good to put lazy piano to good use...

Still spending time on Hetalia learning about the histories of countries (in your face uzzy history ain't over, it's about to get EVEN BETTER). Is reading things on China and it's eccentricities. Ok, they are making fun of it. They were slamming the fake Disneyland China had made and all the fake Hello kitties and Hamtaros. Did you know China Kitties have a mouth? Check it yourself! And those ppl say that it is original it's just a few changes HELLO???!!!!! Not to be racist or against China but sometimes things have to be fair. Or not china will go raving mad over the anime like its Korean neighbours.

I think I need some drawing inspiration.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Saturday, January 10, 2009
9:31 PM

Next time, I'm getting another class and leave the adults to deal with the P4 class.

Today was 6 kids and 1 of me, so naturally I had problems. My usual troublemaker was doing damage again, so I ignored him the rest of the day, then he got bored and started annoying everyone else, so I sent him out (or rather he walked out cos I told him he was disturbing the class). Who knew the fellow started dancing around outside and coming in and out of the class...so I said he either stays in or out, if he stays in he has to keep quiet. Then he started throwing this huge tantrum and crying that I didn't bother about him, but I told him that he's not going to get any respect until he gives others that respect. I nearly blubbed myself, so I called the head and she took him out. I'm not trying to complain but sometimes nothing works on such kids.

I think I'll do some other class. Just for variety cos if I teach english these kids either don't understand or give up halfway. And my chinese sucks balls too, so translation is a bitch for me. I'm fine if the kids behave, even if they are slightly slower, but I'm also trying to make them do their own work.

I can't wait till my friends have their first tryout before I start seriously considering a teaching job. Or not I may need to find some admin job...which is boring as hell or even give private tuition.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Friday, January 09, 2009
10:20 AM

Yesterday I went with uzzy and SL to have a bit of a farewell gathering. Had lunch at Shokudo(this Jap marche thing) and then marched to Mindcafe. Played a lot of funny games that I've never seen, then went down to this posh western restaurant(my stomach was acting up again so to keep safe I ate clam chowder). CRAP the CAMWHORE. I really don't like to pose so suddenly, it'll take a while for me to stop acting shy, heh.

Well so it's goodbye my friend for 2 weeks in the army...

And also my teaching volunteer job. Having been put into this class of 5 I think I was going to die. Some were ok, but there are always bad eggs in the class. One particular boy was so noisy I nearly had to roar at him but I couldn't. Then his cloze passage problems drove me nuts. After I got the warrant to send him out, he gave me silent treatment. My mother also came back yesterday exhausted. Thank god I'm doing this 3 times a week.

If I can't even control this class, how am I gonna control a real class? Or maybe I should stick with girls' schools like SCGS...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, January 07, 2009
3:04 PM

I've recently been hooked onto this new manga, but it requires some history background knowledge before you can fully understand some situations. So the name of this new manga is...Hetalia Axis Powers!!!

Let me give a brief background knowledge on this. The word ヘたれ (hetare) means useless, and combined with Italy(pronounced italia in japanese), you get Hetalia. It's basically to play a pun on the uselessness of Italy during WW2. I bet Mussolini would have been proud.

Personification is done to give each country a character, like for our main character(country), Northern Italy, is a happy-go-lucky clumsy person with serious Germany as a friend, and he loves pizza and pasta. He's also much of a coward. I'm not sure if that tallies with what really happened, but if it is that will be fun.

A recent joke I read from there is pretty lame. Japan ran out of food supplies, so he asked Italy for some food, in which the cheerful fellow gave him pasta. Poor Japan did not know what to do with the pasta sticks, so he used them as joss sticks and threw some into the rocks, so he had no food. Meanwhile Italy was dreaming up soy sauce pasta, while wondering what Japan was doing with the pasta.

Best thing is, the anime will come at the end of the month! I hope to see it soon~

edit: they also chibified the explanation of china and Japan! Japan was brought up by kind china, but then Japan turned evil and turned against him, so China went this.

"I'm not your friend anymore!!!!!"

wahahahahahaha I can't stop laughing.

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Saturday, January 03, 2009
8:08 PM

Looks like this is going to be one crazy year.

Just got back from another movie outing, this time watching Ponyo at the cliff by the sea(崖の上のポニョ。I really love writing it in Japanese). Not a bad movie, I can see how it got its almost 5 stars. A whimsical tale typical of Miyazaki-sama. This will be one of the last few outings before SL goes off to military camp, but what the hey, at least it's still fun, even though we spent a lot on movies and my allowance has been cut and all. My current volunteering job offers no pay, and I enjoy it. I'm just not ready to teach a real class yet. Maybe I'll try once I'm ready, if not I'll go job scouting. I might end up as a cashier, horrors!!!

I also need to do some drawing and Japanese studying, I'm getting laid back on it. Why can't there be some job where I can sell some of my drawings for file covers and bookmarks??? I saw that in SC's PW bazzar when I was sec 3. Now that's a job worth doing, I could set up my own business. If only my parents could understand that.

Ahhhhhhhh heck. It's weird when everyone else is starting school and here we are in limbo. I still feel like it's not 2009.

expressing the emptiness inside me..