Monday, October 13, 2008

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Everytime there is a farewell, it would always bring me back to the times of CHIJ Bukit Timah (now Our Lady Queen of Peace. URGH) when we were dressed in white dresses and had a candle in each hand. There we softly sang:
As we go on, we remember, all the times we spent together
As our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever.

Every time I hear this song in my head, it makes me think: Are there really going to be true farewells? After all, my JC life has ended, and off to the real world we go. Can we be able to keep the past as treasured memories or just good riddance to it all? I have tried, throughout my 3 schools, to see if I can keep their memories intact with me.

This song also brings me to our friends. From my side, i haven't had many friends until I discovered this little girl opposite my cousin's house. She happened to be my classmate, and we have been inseparable. So far, she was the only friend I had with me, even through the times when I was weak. Then in Pri 4, another friend came into my life. She had just transferred from another school and had joined my cca (Science and Tech). She too, introduced the two of us to another girl from another class, and that's where it all began. Beginnings of Da Girlz (then called Disney girls cos of JN's realisation of our resemblance to the characters in the book of the same name).

We then started to do a lot of crazy stuff. They were the ones whom I invited for birthday parties. We were the ones who crammed ourselves into the toilet cubicle and swore we would continue to be friends. We had an IDENTITY. And what happened after PSLE? Me and 2 friends had decided to end up in SCGS together, but one of them, to the wishes of her parents, went to NYGS. Ok, maybe that did piss us off a little. So off we went.

In SCGS is a new "kim gek" system, but me and my friend (ok, that's mel to me) still stuck by each other even though we were in different classes after 6 years of being together. In sec 3 we had finally got a chance to meet up! I was worried though, being the mediator as mel had a feud with JN about friendship in her blog. I wanted them to forgive each other because it was un-christ-like and I didn't want to lose my friends. Nevertheless, we went out and got neoprints! (heck why was I so unlucky to lose all of them thanks to a stupid SKIRT THIEF). I was glad that we had not forgotten each other.

The next blow was when JN was migrating to NZ. We had O levels, so we couldn't send her off. Thank God for msn where there was once all 4 of us were speaking on the net. I believe that no boundary can separate us now, whether national or different schools or grudges. Friends have become so important to me.

It was only yesterday when I was reminded of this. After 6 months of no contact since Life Con, mel has stuck with me since (12 years! can you believe it??), even though she is now in the best school in the country. We have a maxim in the sch: One family unbroken. I can't believe the irony, are we still going to stay there as alumni? Are we still going to remember who were our classmates whom we've never spoke to? It's such a different story at HCI, where many still return year after year even when they are balding and grey (ppl like my dad don't bother lol). At SA, I am glad to have made many friends who may last for lifetimes. From a bullied troubled girl to a loud, friendly electrifying (otaku), I think it is a progress. You can hear how I made friends in the stupidest of circumstances (like tripping over each other while ice skating in FBTs), and see where that has taken me. The friendships that we have made ought to be remembered. I'll never regret mine.

To mel, JN and Shani: How I wish God could just give us 1 day with each other, and remember the dreams we had, the lives that have gone past. Then we shall truly say FRIENDS FOREVER.

To the rest of my wonderful friends: Thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate it!!